Nov 012015

When I was young, I was taught that being sexually promiscuous was wrong. Bad girls with low self-esteem gave away their bodies for false love and de-valued themselves. The more guys they slept with, the worse of an individual they were. No one would want a promiscuous woman – no one worth having, really.

I read all the abstinence books, even the ones about not kissing until your wedding day. My mom really wanted me to do that, but I decided to settle for never kissing until I’d found “the one.” I used to pray that, because I was saving everything for him, that he would save everything for me in return.

When I met my ex-husband at 17 and discovered we were both completely “pure,” I thought it was a reward for doing everything right.

And 9 years later, I was getting divorced from him and felt ready to go fuck some people because doing everything right had been the major disappointment that no one warned me could happen. Instead, I jumped into another relationship and stayed monogamous for another four years.

When that relationship ended this past summer, I felt like I was ready to forever shed this “good girl” act and become what I’d really wanted to try: sluthood. I declared it a social experiment, a right of passage, and period of personal growth.

It’s been four months (!) since I wrote that, and I’ve definitely become the promiscuous girl that would be considered a failure of my abstinence-only upbringing… but, I’m an awesome example of how choosing my own boundaries¬† and not being afraid to try new things has become an incredible experience.

Since June, I’ve in some way pleasured 5 different penises. Is this a lot? I’ve no idea and I don’t really care. For me it is, but none of it has felt rushed or forced. Yes, there were some very awkward moments… and some really fun ones, too!

A variety of dicks does make for a delicious life

A variety of dicks does make for a delicious life

Of these, I’ve only seen two of them additional times and both of their owners have become somewhat regular partners of mine. I very much enjoy inviting them over for some good fucking – and then wishing them well until the next time I see them in one or four weeks.

The other three penises have only had one visit each. And that’s for the best. Two of them belonged to men who turned out to be less than I’d hoped. The third I wanted to come back, but he ghosted on me after our time together; I was disappointed. He gave me an awesome full-body massage and then sex that matched some of my kinky likes. I really wanted him back, but for whatever reason he never responded to my texts or emails.

So, five penises since June, making 7 total in my life. That’s one hell of an increase over a few months.

Does that make me a slut? To some, maybe. Does it mean I’m a promiscuous girl and should be avoided for the unacceptable lifestyle I choose to live right now? I guess that’s up to my partners to decide.

What I’ve learned about myself in the past few months has been invaluable. I’ve learned to take rejection, how to deal with rudeness, how to establish and maintain boundaries, and how to keep and grow my confidence in unknown situations… I’ve also learned the incredible value of sex in a caring relationships vs sex for the sake of sex.

Fucking a man who wants to fuck me is nice… well, it’s downright awesome! However, I’ve found casual sex to be very dry and boring. Sure, it’s entertaining in the moment, but once the deed is done and he is gone, he’s very much out of sight and out of mind for me. If he never came over again, I wouldn’t care one bit.

I think back to the sex I’ve had in my relationships when I cared about my partner. Even with my ex-husband, with whom I had mediocre sex at best, we still had that intimacy that allowed sex to be more than just bodies moving together.

It’s the intimacy I miss and crave more than the fucking. It’s great to be desired physically by a man, but to be desired emotionally and intellectually has got to be the sexiest and most fulfilling feelings in the world. I don’t feel special when I fuck for fun; when I fuck for passion, it’s a different experience. To call them both sex is almost unfair.

I didn’t realize how important intimacy would be for me. Can you be promiscuous and still develop a connection that’s passionate and beautiful? I don’t know if I can.

This experiment isn’t over; there will be more penises in my future. I don’t have a number I’m trying to accomplish. I don’t have an agenda. This is still about personal growth. I don’t feel like I’ve lost any self-respect in doing this.

My self-worth and value does not inversely correlate with the number and frequency of penises I encounter and bring to orgasm. If anything, it’s made me me a better version of myself.

More sex, please!

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