If you’ve read some/most/all of this blog, you probably know that I’ve got an ex-husband and an ex-fiance – and that’s the extent of my entire adult dating life, from 17 until the 30 years I am today. That’s a lot of years with dating, committing, loving, and having sex with only 2 partners. Ever.
In my marriage, I thought the best way to have a relationship was to save everything for “the one” and enjoy a lifetime of exclusive bliss, never having to worry or be jealous of my partner’s ex-lovers. Well, that dream lasted about 1 day after the wedding when I realized just how sexually incompatible we were.
In the end, one of the reasons I left is because I felt doomed to a lifetime of miserable sex with this one partner. I wanted more. When xFHF entered my life, it was our agreement from the beginning that, at the very least, I would have female partners as he would have male so we could both explore our bisexuality.
Finding new partners is never easy, especially when you’re 1) shy and 2) a demisexual. In the past four years I almost kissed a girl – once. I’ve flirted with a lot of men and women and enjoyed it, but nothing has happened beyond that. I have wondered if my inexperience in relationships and casual dating has negatively impacted my ability to ease into conversations and feel comfortable having any sort of physical relationship before the “I love you – let’s move in together” phase.
So – I’m conducting a social experiment. I’m not emotionally ready for a relationship. It’s WAY too early… at the very least I should be able to go a full week without crying, right? That and after 13 years of always being partnered, I’m ready to just be single.
Being single doesn’t mean I have to put my sexuality on hold. Instead, I cannot imagine a better opportunity for me to explore the casual dating and hookup world than right now. I’m 30, single, and, well, BOOBS.
So far, I’ve started using Tindr and Coffee Meets Bagel (an entire entry should be dedicated to both of those). I’ve also browsed the incredibly diverse craigslist “casual encounters – M4W” boards and even skimmed some posts on Fetlife of local kinksters looking for subs. I’m exploring.
So far, it’s been just fun to scan for a while, at least until I’m too bemused to continue. If anything, I know that as a woman, I certainly have the privilege of taking my pick of quite the spread of men. Sorry guys, its at least one perk us ladies have on you.
One post on Craigslist caught my eye – someone around my age looking for a “friends with benefits” arrangement. No relationship, but sex and sometimes companionship was wanted. It seemed ideal, so I wrote back. That’s a story for another day.
For now, my social experiment continues. I’ve no idea who I’ll meet or fuck – but I’m hoping to embrace my sexuality and for once, enjoy sex for the sake of sex.
I am a woman who loves kinky, safe sex. I cannot wait to see what happens this summer!