When my blog was young and new a year and a half ago, I wrote about my favorite masturbation fantasy. At the time, I’d been using the same fantasy for at last 10 years. It was awesome and it never failed to get me off spectacularly.
Sometime this past summer, the fantasy changed into something much different and much darker. It touches on some of my hard limits, which I think is part of the excitement for me. It’s forbidden territory beyond what my prior fantasy held.
I am strapped to a large metal table. Naked. The table is large and cold. It feels like a table they would use to operate on Frankenstein; it’s large, heavy duty, almost medicinal. I’m strapped by the ankles and wrists which are pulled wide from my body to the edges of the table. My body can move but the restraints encumber most of my movement.
My head is near the top of the table, hair pulled back into a ponytail. I’m told I’m here by my own request, which I know is true. I’ve asked for help with deep throating in the hope I can eradicate my gag reflex. My partner wanted to help but he wasn’t will to push me where I needed it, so I turned to a Dom who wouldn’t recoil at my flinching and gagging. He’d know how to focus my attention to my own body in return for my own pleasure. Sexual behavioral conditioning.
The table is on wheels and I’m positioned near the center of a small room with concrete floors. If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess I’m in a cellar or basement. I’m told that the floors are cement so bodily fluids are easily cleaned and sanitized from the room. Today’s lesson in deep throating is the part that scares me the most: losing the ability to breathe.
I’m pulled by the hair so my head is hanging off the back of the table, hair falling toward the floor. Some apparatus is arranged that holds a Magic Wand vibrator to my pussy. Rather than a simple on/off and low/high that is normal, its on a dial cord so it can be tuned from 0-30 in intensity levels. It starts on 1 or 2. It’s enough to give me some pleasure, but barely enough to make me squirm and I’ll never be able to orgasm from this.
My head upside down, I’m told to accept the tip of His cock in my mouth. I get used to His balls in my face. He positions the balls so they cover my nostrils and primary source of air. I feel crowded, claustrophobic. I can’t suffocate in external genitalia but my brain starts to panic.
I must learn control over these panicky thoughts. The further into my mouth I accept the cock, the higher the setting the vibrator goes. Its scary and tempting.
Generally, I love to suck dick, so with my own natural efforts I can get the vibrator up to 10 or 12. It’s tantalizing and it makes my body arch… but He is so attentive with the dial compared to the depth of His cock in my mouth, I’m not able to maintain that depth for long. As soon as I push Him out a bit, the dial drops back to 1 and I’m left wanting.
I’m strapped the to table and not in a position to guide him into my mouth. We’ve developed hand signals where I signal “thumbs up” for more penetration and “thumbs sideways” for “I’m panicking but trying to deal with it” and then “thumbs down” for the signal to stop.
As time passes, He starts pushing further into my throat, pushing towards that spot where my gag reflex lies and I lose my ability to breath. Just having my head upside down is confusing and its a mental struggle to go on. I feel so out of control and its hard to fight the panic in my head.
He never pushes me for too long and the pleasure is its own unique reward. I pant extra hard when he pulls out. The pleasure and the fear are a powerful mix.
But now its time to really conquer. He pushes in all the way, cutting off my air supply, balls covering my face and making me sweat. The Magic Wand peaks at 25 and my body arches in complete pleasure. My legs are taught but my head can’t move. He pulls out and I gasp for breath. A few pants and he pushes back in.
It’s so large and so hard sliding into my very slippery throat. I love it and hate it at the same time. My clit is throbbing with the Magic Wand buzzing away on it. He pulls out again.
The cycle repeats and each thrust is horror and ecstasy. I want to orgasm and I want to scream but I can’t do either. He won’t keep me filled long enough to orgasm and I can’t scream when he fills my throat.
His desire for orgasm becomes strong and he starts thrusting in my throat. I’m a a vehicle for his pleasure and he enjoys hearing my screams get cut off with my air as He methodically controls that damned vibrator. I can’t tell if its evil and cruel or the most brilliant mindfuck leading to an incredibly powerful orgasm.
When I’ve fulfilled my duty and he slams into me one last time, leaving his cock in me and dripping come down my throat, the Magic Wand peaks at 30 for the first time and my body is a seizing shudder, tied down to the table.
He pulls out and lets my body rest, orgasm shuddering through me.
Tomorrow, it happens all over again. It will keep happening until the fear is gone and my throat is conquered.