I’ve written about my period woes before. One blessing of your body not making enough estrogen and not having a normal cycle is that when the cycle does come, its usually just a lot of bleeding and nothing else. At some point, the period happens but really just to shed the uterus; it isn’t aligned with the normal hormonal changes a body is supposed to go through. In my life, I can count the times I’ve had cramps on one hand.
I’ve been on hormonal birth control in various forms for 11 years now. They are the only way I have normal, monthly periods. In a way, its nice to feel like a woman this way (even a prescription pill induced one). I get monthly periods most of the time. I crave chocolate more during days 25-28 than the rest of the month.
Hormonal mood swings? Not really. I have barely any experience with these. I’ve dealt with plenty of episodic depression but it isn’t the same as random mood swings. Not from what I’ve experienced, at least.
This month, I’ve been hit by a hormonal monster. It took me a day to figure out why I was crying to TV commercials, crying because of a tweet, crying because I had to be up alone at night. Even as I type this I’m all teary-eyed while watching an episode of the Vampire Diaries.
I’m not used to being this woman. I don’t know how to handle it. I guess I can ugly cry alone and wait for the days to pass…. but since I’m on day 23 I have possibly 5 or 6 more days of this ahead of me. Oh boy.
During that time, I’m trying to keep the crazy in… except I feel like Dr. Reed from Scrubs. I’ll brood, cry, and feel pretty bad for myself for days. I’ll keep cuddling with my pillow like its the last friend I have on earth. I’ll cry that I have to walk allllll the way downstairs for a refill on my drink when it goes empty. I’ll keep looking at my current home improvement project and thinking it will never get done and what a shambles my home is in. When I start sobbing at the sight of my messy office, I’ll try to remember it’s not as bad as it looks. All of this is an overreaction.
And then it will be over in a few days, right?