Oct 132013

If you’re a woman who uses twitter, you’ve probably received the infamous, unsolicited dick pic. Some guy who may (or may not) be a follower send you a dick pic in response to a tweet. I’ve received dick pics in response to innocuous tweets:

Me: I’m so tired today. I need more sleep!
Dickpic: here this will wake u up [insert dick pic]
Me: Um. no.

Or, I’ll get a dick pic because the guy assumes that, because I like my partner’s dick, I must automatically be interested in any dick available to me in the universe.

Me: And then I sucked his cock…. I love feeling it grow hard and strong in my mouth.
Dickpic: Here baby I got a 9in fat one for you
Me: Um. no.

Not every penis-owner is this raunchy or rude. However, I can only recall being sent a vulva picture once and I’ve lost count of penis pictures that have found their way to my mentions (and even email account).

Here’s the truth: I do like penis. That much is obvious. But I couldn’t care less who owns what penis or what that penis looks like if I don’t know who you are as a person and I’m attracted to you. Sending me a penis shot is as good as sending me a picture of your big toe, a molar, or a single testicle. It’s not attractive when its alone by itself.

A picture of just a penis – what’s the point? I feel like its the male equivalent of a peacock showing its feathers.

The word penis written on a hard penis

Written_penis by Boracenk used under Creative Commons license


WOW! PENIS!!!!!!!!!


OMG. A PENIS!?!?!?! *throws self at computer screen*

Must masturbate to the penis picture. So turned on, cannot focus on anything else. *bursts into orgasmic fits*

Seriously guys, that’s not how it works with 99% of women. If you’re trying to turn us on or get our attention, you’d get a lot further by sending us a picture of a cute kitten than a dick pic.  At least you’d get our attention that way. My general reaction to a dick pic is, “Huh. Moving on now.”

Now, is there a time and a place for a dick pic? Is there a correct presentation method for the dick pic? Yes. There are two situations when sending a dick pic is appropriate:

  • When you want a genuine opinion from a woman on the look of your penis OR an opinion on how you photograph your penis AND you ask permission prior to sending it
  • When she asks you for a pic

That’s it. Any other sending of dick pics is unwelcome, rude, and intrusive.

There is actually an art to photographing your dick. The pic above isn’t very impressive – it’s boring. The word “penis” written on it makes it even more boring. I don’t care if you have a tiny penis or a giant soda can penis – if its just that, then its boring.

Don’t despair men and penis owners — there is a great resource for you to learn the fine art of dick pic taking. On tumblr, a new blog has popped up that I would encourage everyone to go view and read the comments on some of the excellent and not so excellent dick pics that have been submitted.

Stay classy with the dick pics, men. When used right, they can be a fun picture to share and they can interest a woman – a woman who is already interested in you to the point where she actually does want to see and think about your penis.

  One Response to “Rating the dick pic”

  1. Absolutely hilarious!

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