Nov 092012
 

There are so many moments of my life I wish I could capture in a snapshot or film. I’d rather have a picture of these moments, to remember the memories rather than relive them through a video.

But these moments are all so unique and special to me. Sixteen months has done nothing to diminish my joy in being with someone I can count as a partner, best friend, and lover. So many beautiful moments and I feel so many slip by, wanting to remember them.

I can see the expression on his face when I make him laugh. I tease him and his smile is so wide and beautiful. He’s so quiet around people, but with me his laugh is raucous and loud. He laughs with his full body. Sometimes I even make him laugh so hard he just collapses on the ground, unable to talk. It makes me laugh to see him so exuberant and honest with his amusement. I’m really not so funny, but he finds me hilarious. I love that.

Then there are the moments that, after an argument, he lays his head on my chest and his voices changes to the most tender sound. No matter what we were discussing, these moments are the ones where all anger is gone, but we just open up. The tone of his voice, so sweet and genuine, softened and sweet. It makes me melt hearing him with no barriers.

The moments where he calls me a slut and whore. Where he tells me to take it. Where he owns my body, the most intimate parts of me.

The moment today where he told me he masturbated, thinking about our wedding day. He envisioned me in a white dress. As he came, he yelled ‘I do.’ I never knew the idea of marriage and a wedding could be so alluring, sexy, and a complete turn-on for a man. To have someone so interested in marrying me that it gets them off – the fantasy just wanting, waiting to become reality. When I asked him “Was there a veil?” and he said “There usually is.” So I said, “Usually?” He said, “I’ve said too much.” Then he got all bashful and wouldn’t say anymore.

Moments where I lay on his chest and watch him jack off. Hearing him moan as he rests his head against mine. He wants me a part of those moments and I love just to be present and share in this intimacy.

Those times when he calls me “Naughty!” in the most adorable way EVER when I tell him about my latest masturbation that he wasn’t around to see or hear.

When he literally prances around in pink lacey panties and starts to act girly, he gets giggly and cute. And I love him for it.

Since I wrote my prior post, Reflections, discussing how I needed some changes in my life – some self-management and stress management, I’ve been making an effort to focus on what’s really important vs what I’ve made or impose on myself to be important. It’s not easy and I must remember that change comes slowly. One thing I’ve tried to make a priority is focusing on what I’m missing by being too stressed out or what I may even take for granted.

For now, I’m focusing on love.

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