1. Have you ever had a friendship with a someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
Absolutely! In high school I had a crush on several guys who were my friends. I couldn’t help it – they were sweet, fun, and hot. I even got the nerve to tell a couple of them I liked them. One of the turned into a pity date (it was sweet but yeah, neither of us wanted more than that one date) and the other turned into a very complicated relationship. I haven’t told that story, and I’m not sure I ever will at this point.
2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
No, I’m not. I fully trust him and I don’t regulate his friendships or people he talks to without me. We operate on full disclosure, and he has no problems telling me if he thinks she’s attractive (and in how many ways) and how things went. I do the same. Neither of us has anything to hide or worry about with our other half being out with anyone attractive. Since we’re bisexual, if we had this concern it would have to be with anyone in the world. That’s too exhausting!
3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
Yes. This is how my ex-husband and I started. We were platonic friends and started dating from peer pressure of “Well, you hang out enough to be.” It was the first sexual relationship for either of us. My mistake was confusing interest in sex for interested in him.
4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex-lover?
No, I’m not really friends with my ex-husband. I tried as he was and had been in that “friend-zone” for a while, but it only ended in him getting vicious with his words from all the hurt I caused him… so that’s on hiatus. It’s a shame – in so many ways he could be a really good friend. He always was and I’d like him to be.
I’ve remained friends with that complicated relationship from high school I mentioned in #1. He was my first love but we knew it would never work out, so we refrained from a sexual relationship. I think that restraint helped us stay friends afterwards. We stayed in touch consistently. He came to my wedding, and asked me to meet a potential fiancee as he wanted an old friend’s opinion since he didn’t have any other older friends in the area to meet her. I’m invited to his wedding in January. I’ve loved that, despite the high emotional component of our relationship, we readjusted back to friends.
Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a “friend with benefits”? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
No. I don’t think I could do this type of relationship.
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