1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t really enjoy it.
e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
f. I have never given anal sex.
g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.
My answer: A. I love to fuck with boyfriend with my fingers or toys! If I had a dick, I’d fuck him with it, too. I love to do it face-to-face so I can watch his pleasure and judge how I need to go with my angle and pace.
His answer: A. (When I asked him, I hadn’t even finished asking “Do you love it?” when he answered “Fuck yeah!” with eyes lit up.)
2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.
e. I have never received anal sex.
f. I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.
My answer: B. I would add that while I enjoy anal sex, I am not always in the mood for it and its rarely on top of my list. Now if you’re going to lick my asshole, I’m up for that any time. ANY TIME.
His answer: A. He loves it, loves it, loves it. He’ll take it anyday I think.
3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?
a. It’s a turn on for me.
b. It turns me on a little bit.
c. I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d. It does nothing for me.
e. I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f. I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.
My answer: This was a hard one for me. I’ve only had 2 lovers. The first one the undressing happened VERY slowly over almost 2 years. With my BF, I undressed for him on webcam before I did it in person. Both times I felt self conscious and shy, but his response turned me on. I undressed very quickly when we met in person and he did the same. I think we were alreayd so turned on the act of undressing didn’t do it so much.
His answer: A again. He says it definitely turns him on, and all the time, not just the first time.
4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.
My answer: A, all the time. I cannot stifle my vocal expression of pleasure. I’ve managed to do this only once or twice and it was super difficult.
His answer: A. I am so happy to be with a partner who has no voicing his pleasure. Now he calls out my name when he masturbates next to me and that is one of the best sounds in the world.
5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
Our answer: B. We talk dirty all the time. Our second language is innuendo. Is it one of our favorite activities? I’m going to say no just because we DO talk about a lot more than just sex. We’ve been living together for a year and communication and being on the same page is one of our highest priorities. So by default B.
6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale
My answer: I am a C. If B had read “Howling at the moon wolf” then that would have worked. What can I say? If you’re with me, you’ll know if I am enjoying myself.
His answer: He had no clue, so I selected B for him. He’s nowhere near me in terms of loudness, and his vocalisations are more quiet than loud.
Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?
Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space.*
Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*
I’d say I’m a comfort-thrill seeker. I want to build deep intimacy with novelty and pushing the limits. Yes we have discussed open relationships and we are definitely not “average” in our sexual experience, but that does not mean I’m giving up sex as a “safe, loving and nurturing space.” I’d say I am currently experiencing both and I love that.
*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!